Archive for Wednesday, November 17, 1999

Holy bloopers: America’s best

November 17, 1999

Whether these bloopers from church bulletins, e-mailed to me by a friend, are true "clerical" errors or simply pulpit fiction, they're divine:

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Due to the rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

On a church bulletin board during the minister's illness: "GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better."

The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

Announcement from the pulpit by the Associate Pastor: "Please keep a close watch on your children as they play outside. Several snakes have been seen around the edge of the woods." (Then, without skipping a beat): "Our Easter egg hunt is this Saturday here at the church."

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