Archive for Wednesday, April 24, 2002

A spring idea: the natural lawn

April 24, 2002

Whose idea was it that lawns need to be kept neatly mowed? What would be wrong with everybody having nice, lush, tall grass (or other vegetation) in their front yard. If I can get a few of you to join me, we might be able to make a difference in our world.

Rather than mowing umpteen times this spring and summer, let's cut our mowing back to about once every six weeks.

For those of you who currently mow your lawn twice a week and are hated by all of your neighbors because you make their lawns look bad by comparison, you can mow once every four weeks. You know who you are and don't even think about extra mowing or you'll ruin it for the rest of us.

Just think of all the positives of such a plan.

First and foremost, think about how much more time we would all have to golf. That should be enough reason for all of you to adopt my plan. If you have a need to see short grass, go to the golf course where God meant for the grass to be short.

I can hear some of you non-golfers grumbling already but don't get upset just yet.

There are enough good reasons for all of us.

Think about all the gas we will be saving. We will be lowering this country's dependence on foreign oil. Besides saving money, it's the patriotic thing to do.

Think about the wear and tear you will be saving on your mower. You won't have to replace your mower nearly as often. Those mowers can be expensive.

For those of you working in the lawn mower factory that are worrying about losing your job, I have an idea that will save your job. Let's convert the lawn mower factories to golf cart factories.

With all the extra time for golfing, the demand for golf carts will go through the roof.

Since we've decided not to mow as often, let's cut back on the fertilizing, too. There is no need to fertilize to make the grass grow faster. Six weeks is plenty of time for grass to grow to a height worthy of cutting.

We can also dispense with irrigating. If God wants your lawn to look lush and green, he will send rain. Who are we to second guess? Your water bill will be lower and we will be conserving yet another natural resource.

Quit worrying about the native fauna (weeds) that would like to grow in our yards. Why do we spend so much time trying to kill the plants that are easy to grow and actually want to grow in our yards? It seems to me that we should welcome all the plants that grow without any effort at all on our part.

And just who was it that decided that a yard full of yellow flowers is not pretty?

Rather than call this brilliant idea the lazy husband plan, I would prefer to call it the natural lawn plan. Let's get back to nature rather than creating some artificial landscape that requires intensive maintenance.

My wife thinks that I have adopted this plan already but so far I have only experimented with my ideas for a more practical approach to lawn care. I need a few of my favorite readers to help me implement this societal change.

To show that you are on board with my natural lawn care plan, leave the mower in storage another month and leave the weed killer on the garage shelf. We can make this world a better place and maybe improve our golf game in the process.

Commenting has been disabled for this item.