Archive for Tuesday, May 17, 2011

THS valedictorian Falk thanks family, educators

May 17, 2011

Editor’s note: This is a transcript of Tonganoxie High School valedictorian Lacie Falk’s speech she gave at THS graduation Saturday.

First, I would like to thank all of you for attending my graduation. You don’t know how much it means to me. You know, I’ve been going to THS for four years, and this is the first time they’ve asked me to be valedictorian. But of course, I didn’t get here on my own, and there are a few people I’d like to thank. I’d like to thank my parents for their constant support, motivation, and gas money, and that lovely little plaque they gave me as I entered high school that read “Homework will set you free.” I’d like to thank my teachers for the effort that they put into my education and the trust they have always shown me, a trust that has given me the opportunity to swipe all the answer keys and therefore become valedictorian. Underclassmen, I will have these keys for sell to the highest bidder after graduation. Cash only, please. I’d also like to thank Megan Woods and Elliott Brest, for the $20 you gave me for mentioning you in my speech. You guys are awesome.

Now for the part of the speech where I share with you some cliché advice on life and 90 percent of the audience starts to zone out. Well, as I’m only 18, these nuggets of knowledge are mostly untested but sound pretty good on paper. If any of you follow these guidelines, be sure to get back to me in 10 or 20 years, that way if they work, I can write a book and quit my day job.

So here goes: Lacie’s Untested Tips for Success.

Number 1: Set high goals for yourself. And by “high goals” I mean impossible goals, like having Donald Trump attend your graduation. That way if you fail, you always have the excuse, “It was impossible.”

Number 2: Protect your dreams. Your dreams are precious, and no one has the right to take them away from you by saying things like, “You’ll never make it into that college,” or “There’s no way you’re going to be valedictorian,” or “Quit walking around the house dressed up like Lady Gaga. It’s creepy.”

And finally Number 3: Don’t worry about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in New Zealand. Unless, of course, you live in New Zealand. Then, start worrying.

So in closing, I would like to leave you with some words of wisdom from one of the greatest philosophers of our time. Class of 2011, “ Winning, Duh!”

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